Staying alive

I haven't actually been paying much attention on you lately... Haven't been quite up to talking about the latest developments in my life... Well, I have been blessed to have been given a chance to work as a teacher in Malayan College. I'll start training this April 16. I hope I don't disappoint them and myself... That's the major breakthrough of my life as of now... Quitting my job for five years and venturing into the unknown. My thesis has to take a backseat for now... I have to concentrate first on reading stuff and getting ready for this "extra challenge" of my life.

I'm quite tired actually and my mind is crowded with other thoughts like our house loan, wedding preparations ( actually, we haven't really started on this...), taking driving lessons??? ( if I don't freak out), and the fact that I haven't read and studied enough to actually teach literature and I'm trying to do all of these at the same time that it's like I don't actually get anything done... I am afraid to fail... I know it's when I let my faith waver that all these fears and stress set in. I just hope I'll be able to pull this off. Make that a we. Because I, alone, can't pull this off. I really need Him and my loved ones to help me through this. We can all do this together...

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Anxiety

Light from the lone, yellow bulb
Twinkling darkness from the busted lamps on the street
Radiance from a terminal of data
Shadows from the moon of tomorrow

Fingers pressing on the letters
Feet threading murky roads
Not getting quite there
Not quite seeing past here

Stepping out of the bedsheet
Descending down the stairs
Unlocking the frontdoor
Flinging open the gate

Placing one foot into the cold pavement
Retracting from the sudden heat
Putting it back again
The hiss of passion and surrender

With hope in her eyes
And fear in her pocket